...loSt In ThE wOrld...

nice quote

2011-10-02T10:04:00.000+08:00

愛人的那一個，往往在不完美中給完美；被愛的那一個，卻總是在完美中找不完美。

song by

李玖哲－不, 完美 MV

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBpP-wGi36A&feature=related

first wine purchase in nz

2011-09-30T05:05:00.001+08:00

my first wine purchase, since pple said its good to drink abit before slp, but i guess i am juz not a wine person ~.~

a nice saturday

2011-09-24T19:53:00.007+08:00

High tea @Langham hotel to start off the day~~

This 3-Layers one is one-time only, but to me, they taste so so~

The 2nd round, the desserts, are unlimited, to me, they taste nicer, and i am too full to choose all so just select these 3, hmm the kiwi cream one and the choc cakes are good.

Rose tea, not bad~

Then took ferry to halfmoon bay

To watch his final match of the season

and hotpot at night, good day

things to buy for the room

2011-09-15T18:03:00.003+08:00

when back to sg...gonna live in the small room again...sth to buy in mind..

-alphabet foam mat

-full length mirror

-small waredore

-small bedside table

-storage luggage

not used to be this emo..but now..why?

2011-08-27T09:42:00.000+08:00

Never be dependent anyone in this world . Because even your shadow leaves you when you’re in the dark...

2011-07-24T15:28:00.002+08:00

what will u do if u suddenly realise that...

he could be ur whole world,

but you might be only just part of his world?

4th to 6th July Road Trip

2011-07-06T13:54:00.004+08:00

HOLIDAY. had a road trip with bb, Der& Syl, went Taupo, Rotorua and Mt. R again, also bypass Hamilton this time lols...went prawn park at taupo, ate the nice prawn chowder; Snowboard at Mt.R; Hotspring& see mud pools at Rotorua. Well, got a number of nice activities tat i wanna do in Rotorua but i guess Winter is not the right season~~

Most importantly, i feel so lucky to have bb by my side <3

2011-04-25T08:42:00.002+08:00

biu gor's wedding postponed to 11 Dec 2011, which means.......................i am able to attend~ yeah~ at least something for me to look forward for year end, but at the same time, i dun realli want this year to end too fast................................................................coz i dun even know whats the next move for me after grad =(

tmr's the monthsary...but i dun feel like its tat short~~

2011-03-26T09:19:00.002+08:00

26 marc'11 midnite, suddenly u whisper into my ears...kinda unprepared, hmm but i said we can give it a try.

but sometimes sth juz takes time i guess...

hope ur nt playing.

CHCH appeal event

2011-03-14T13:51:00.001+08:00

http://news.chinesetown.co.nz/2011/0314/654492.html?1

LOL~ if i know this will happen , i will get up earlier to do some make up maybe lol

HAPPY CNY

2011-02-04T22:33:00.001+08:00

These are really cute rite, mahjong cupcakes lol~~

WALKATHON

2011-01-14T15:47:00.002+08:00

SPOT ME =))

Christmas party for the children with intellectual disability at MINDSville@Napiri

2010-12-23T14:31:00.006+08:00

Date:20 dec 2010

Time:2pm-6pm

i tot we r going to visit the homless kids oni, becos i didnt really read the email, then i realise the children there are with intellectual disabilities. at first abit scared coz was wondering how to deal with them, but slowly, i enjoy this event, and would like to participate more.

i paired with this girl, we can't really communicate as she can't talk and it seems she has problem of understanding things, her hands r being tied as the nurse she is uncontrollable, she will run away.she can't talk but she always want to kiss or hug you, starting abit scared, but ultimately i realise a way that can calm her down---- food =x

personally i like this boy, he seems polite and mild~ i duno why he's been tied up becos he seemed normal to me, but at least when i say Hi to him, he replied me like..immediately..=)

actually i am quite lucky, on and off come back to the same company to work during holiday, its not usual i guess, and currently happy working, althu i feel sleepy and tired all the time ~.~

2010-10-23T19:05:00.002+08:00

suddenly..i dun feel like going this church again.....i dun feel like socialise there anymore..i feel tired ...but...after watching the trailer of "most", my feeling toward God's love grows stronger, i wanna worship him, but i start to wonder, if mt well's acmc is the right place for me.

bits and pieces

2010-10-06T18:41:00.014+08:00

The Korean style noodle that our lady boss made for us..yummy~~

New zealand fashion week 2010, eh...nth much to see?

mango mooncake in my hand, and green tea mooncake in the box

one of my favourite frm J'S tea, caramel pudding~

my hair colour, i think not bright enough =_=

i am so amazed to find this in auckland, reminds me of my old times with the birds. this is fake anyway

acting cool? =_=

banana split,@new market

play around with my clothes, mix and match

bigger hole in my pocket

2010-09-18T19:28:00.003+08:00

Leave house at 8.30AM today, me, yy and rebec follow Kelly to East Tamaki, kind of warehouse sale. thought of juz window shopping, coz the sale there is like skin care, make up and fragrances, i thought i wont be that interested to buy but they were like "we shall see"...

It is an Elizabeth Arden sale, the prices there are really much lower than retail price, http://shop.elizabetharden.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2779912&view=all

so in the end, i bought a few, eye cream, moisture lotion, eye shadows, and some gifts that i prepare for frens' bday. even saw britney, hilary duff, usher and M's fragrances, the prices are really good, didnt know they are under Elizabeth Arden till today.

quite guilty sia coz the hole in my pocker is getting bigger! recently abit over-spending, my exam results also not that good so i feel super guilty now. shit..shall control!

a not too bad term break

2010-09-12T13:30:00.008+08:00

had a not too bad term break, with a not too bad mood.

Went for ski trip again, this time, i tried snowboard, haha i like it, but i still don't know how to break tho, but its fine, i would like to try it again.

randomly formed a small IB301 study group as well, totally random, but at least get to do some study aye?

last nite went to watch this musical called Luctatio Ultima by our uni students(mainly?). starting abit confused but getting better later on. overall? okay lar but not say very fantastic =x

and tmr gonna visit the china warship..and school starts. oh well~

anyway, have to praise NZL, level7 earthquake but no death, dats quite amazing, well done...

cut my hair aniway...

2010-08-08T17:25:00.002+08:00

few more hours to my birthday again~~hmmm not too excited about it...like getting numb for birthdays~ sigh... i wanna be more mature though..

when can our family celebrate birthdays together? i am waiting for the day, the day that i am able to earn more money and able to get my parents some really nice birthday presents!

meanwhile, i pray to Lord for my last try to OZ. juz give me one more try.

2010-07-29T19:35:00.003+08:00

i hate farewells, i hate goodbyes, i hate changes.

i have enough of them, i really hate to face them, but sadly i just have to face the fact that, i will never able to avoid them. they just happen as time goes by.

that's why i always ask myself, what if my mum didn't leave? what if i didn't go Singapore? What if i didn't come to auckland?

especially auckland, you will never know when u have to say goodbye to the person you know, it just seems that its an unavoidable fact that people in this city just come and go.

hais watever, and i am still thinking if i should visit the other church. sigh.

2010-07-22T17:46:00.001+08:00

don't be a 无病呻吟 person. annoying.

quick post before going out

2010-07-07T09:34:00.006+08:00

just realise my recent posts are toooooo heavy. post sth more casual this time?

i juz moved house. from a townhouse to a student apartment. totally new experience, as i have to go down to use public washing machine to do the laundry. but besides that, things are fine =)

ex-place:

Now```

kinda like my noticeboard...

if only mum could be happier, my life will be so much easier, i could not feel easy when she keep being like that, sometimes i really wonder, am i making the wrong choice to come here? am i the one that cause us both in this situation? "it's not that i don't want to do sth about it, i just don't know what can i do..."

2010-07-05T19:50:00.005+08:00

to me, somehow, i still can manage my stress from studies i think? i don't know why, maybe i just feel that its kind of meaningless to whine about the results and all those.... since...you can't change anything; it's all done. you just have to move on i guess, as a student, this kind of stress is quite foreseeable isnt it?and stress from exam is not gonna kill you i guess.

or maybe is because, other stresses are already over the stress from studying. i am really helpless to change the current situation, all the conversations with my family become so heavy, and it seems that i should not complain and express how unhappy i am with my mum because i know that she suffers maybe at least 10 times or 100 times more than me, i know how hard her life is, but what can i do? i feel awful w/o family all these years but the same goes to her isnt it? she seldom pour her sorrows to me but i bet she cried many times behind me. but i am just unable to see her, unable to encounter the hard times together with her, we are both stuck in the middle, i really cant figure out when we can really settle down. i really need MIRACLE..MIRACLE PLEASE.

Dear Lord,
I really feel bad that when i feel i can't do anything and needs your help, then i come to you. but besides asking for your help..i really don't know what else i can't do...please, this feeling is getting worse, i really need your help, i really need miracle..please bless us and please watch over my family and send an angel to protect my mum. some people just end their lives when they can't overcome their stress, i will never thought of that, but i am really tired, i can't see the light now, i don't wanna live aimlessly. i need you to guide me. please please help me.

In Jesus's name, I pray. Amen.

2010-06-26T00:30:00.002+08:00

當一個人一直回想著過去的美好回憶，是不是表示，她現在過得不快樂？

是我。

我在想，我現在是不是不快樂？所以總偶爾回味著過去。。。

我到底有嘗試過真正快樂的感覺嗎？連我自己都不能回答。

活在這樣的環境下，我真的能感覺到真正的快樂嗎？我連跟父母普通相處的機會都沒有，我的性格能不沒有缺陷嗎？

多羡慕那些幸福的家庭啊。多羡慕那些不用到處漂泊的人啊。

連自己都不瞭解自己，連未來會在哪裡，做些什麽都無法確定的我，為何表面看起來是開朗的呢？我根本是個缺乏安全感的人吧，多想封閉自己啊，但這個社會允許我活在自己的世界封閉自己嗎？NO.

再加上媽媽給的壓力，天啊，我是怎麼活過來的？

Happy Mother's day Still...

2010-05-10T09:01:00.002+08:00

another mama day's gone, yet this is just another mama day without my mum by my side again..father's day is coming yea? yet it will be another dad's day without my dad by my side...sometimes i really hope there won't be any festivals like this...but what to do? when can i really celebrates all these with them? QUESTION MARK.

aniway...althou future is still so unknown to me, but sometimes i realise i can comfort myself to face it with a better attitude...ever since i came to nzl, i just feel that some1's helping me...otherwise, juz by myself, how could i be able to solve all the problems i faced here? i feel so blessed when i look for accomadation and jobs, and my study too, always last minute but still safe. all these are hard to just use the word "lucky" to describe...and because of this, i start to believe GOD is actually watching over me...well, i've never thought myself believe in this, esp when i was in SG, i detest Christian, coz some of them are just so...yucks...opps...forgive me to say that. but here, i can really feel the peace, and a few times, my heart's touched, i can't explain the feeling but i juz can't explain why my tears came out...

and I've meet some gals i kinda like...well, got feel? lols...nice to hug too =x

aniway, partly becos of IP MAN 2, i decided to go for Wing Chun lesson next thurs, hope it will be a nice one.

2010-04-29T14:35:00.002+08:00

This city is still kind of strange to me..sigh..

what happend to me last night? i don't meant to expose my weakness infront of a group of pple..what happend?

2010-04-13T18:42:00.003+08:00

miss the old me..and my long hair...

gosh international business really make me cant relax everyday,firstly i didnt study, secondly is becos, i don't know how to study for that. jialat.

stress

2010-03-21T12:49:00.003+08:00

starbuck becomes my motivation and the little drink that spice up my day~

the cupcakes ( 19 march 2010) c.g meeting

recently just feel very stress ~~ feel like i've been slacking again but i can't be like this for my current subjects! not as easy..and tests are coming! haiss

stress...this period really feel the financial stress...shit..mainly coz mum's have a new plan for her work..hope she get that shop for her tailoring biz...PRAY HARD! hais...sometimes i feel quite upset...why it seems i am one of the fews that needs to work to support my daily expenses while other kids are happily studying without this extra stress? but i know i just have to deal with it! i just nid to vent it out here! arhhh i am tired....and when it comes to attend activities, i feel quite suck to be w/o my own transport and have to trouble others! i hate this feeling! hates it, i don't wanna trouble others, i don't like the feeling when i can't control my own schedule etc...

hais..feel so mess up now...hates it...but i just can't be like other pple..they are able to easily express their anger, their sadness, their moody, i just not able to do this, i hates this too! but eventually, u just have to deal and solve ur own problem BY YOURSELF.no one else.

blog in school

2010-03-04T09:41:00.002+08:00

can't believe i am doing this, blogging in school library? feel so nerdy =x LOL... anyway just for once...around 15 more mins to the next and last lesson of the day.. ends at 4pm again...tiring~

school's started...like suddenly; sudden as in i don't really feel like i am prepared for that. well, 3 of the modules do not have course book to sell, which means i have to check and print out the notes every week! they just dun want to put all the notes at once and i don't know why, this is bad for lazy pple like me! i just prefer them to sell the whole course notes nicely instead of print them myself everyweek. arh hates it =( most of my modules requires lots of writing and reading, i hope i can survive.

anyway, currently working at a souvenier shop, under training thu but i hope things go right, as i feel quite comfortable working there =x

Copy from somewhere... =)

2010-02-25T19:11:00.001+08:00

1，如果发短信息给一个人，他一直不回，不要再发了。没有这么卑微的等待。
2、如果没有人陪，学着一个人听音乐看书写点心情日记。这是个好习惯。
3、如果一个人很难过，找个角落或者在被子里哭一下，不需要别人同情可怜，哭过之后一样开心生活。
4、如果一个人开始怠慢你，请你离开他。不懂得珍惜你的人不要为之不舍，更不必继续付出你的友情或爱情，到头来受伤的是自己他人不会为之难过。
5、如果可以不抽烟，别抽。如果可以不喝酒，别喝。这是不爱惜自己身体的表现，如果只因一些人，那么我们别傻了，爱你的人不会让你难过的。
6、伤心的时候找个信任的朋友诉说一下，不要一个人默默承受，这只会会更添寂寞感与忧伤。

7、不开心的时候白天看看蓝天晚上看看夜色，广阔的天空自有属于我们爱，宁可高傲的发霉不要低调的恋爱。跟自己说我是最好的。保持一份自信。
8、宁缺毋滥。不要因为寂寞随手抓一个恋人，这对两人都不公平，而且太缺乏责任感。找个知己不要是恋人。
9、记住你喜欢的人的生日，包括你的家人，当然，还有自己。生日没有人送礼物也无所谓，你可以买精美的礼物，送给妈妈和爸爸。
10、闲下来的时候,放一段柔情音乐，翻阅几页好书，然后睡个懒觉，快哉。心情不好的时候,也可以睡一觉。
11、从现在开始，聪明一点，不要问别人想不想你？爱不爱你？若是要想你或者爱你自然会对你说，但是从你的嘴里说出来，别人会很骄傲和不在乎你。
12、不要太在意一些人太在乎一些事，顺其自然以最佳心态面对，因为这世界就是这么不公平往往在最在乎的事物面前我们最没有价值。
13、不要为了任何人任何事折磨自己。比如不吃饭、哭泣、自闭、抑郁，这些都是傻瓜才做的事。当然，偶尔傻一下有必要，人生不必时时聪明。
14、任何情况下，背后不说他人是非。如果一定要你说，说好话。多个朋友是好事，即使不是很要好的，总比因为自己说话不慎重不思考而多一个敌人好得多。
15、允许偶尔看肥皂剧，但不可成为依赖。允许偶尔披头散发，但要注重场合。允许偶尔骂脏话，但只限在老友面前或者独自一人时，记得说过后要忘掉那些让你难过的事。
16、一定要有几个异性朋友，没有非分之想.就是关键时候,帮你出出主意的好友。
17、学会承受痛苦自己调整心态。有些话，适合烂在心里，有些痛苦，适合无声无息的忘记。当经历过，你成长了，自己知道就好。很多改变，不需要你自己说，别人会看得到。
18、能不和人争吵尽量避免。一个发怒的人是很恐怖的，会因控制不了情绪变成疯子。忍耐然后思索问题的根源最后平静心态解决它。
19、不管和谁有了矛盾和别扭，解决的时间不要超过24小时。否则麻烦会更多。在可以接受的范围内，先道歉。让自己做做坏人不是件真的坏事。生活可以很复杂以可以很简单，我们不要总是活在忧伤和痛苦之中，爱自己多一点！不为一些不值得的事物而觉得生活总是那么的痛苦无助，人生的方向盘掌握在我们自己手里，有一天阳光大道等着我们走，放开自己，高傲的活着，只要自己幸福开心的，痛苦过去的伤就让他随风而去吧....告诉世界我们属于现在而不是过去！

2010-02-24T17:44:00.002+08:00

when you realise suddenly, you don't have the connection with the person you used to hang out with anymore, how will you feel?

i am wondering, am i the one whom changed, or is the other way round? but i just know that, it's not the same anymore, sigh...well, but i can't help it.

who i am?

2010-02-21T18:49:00.003+08:00

sometimes i really confused about my character, the real me. i think to quite a number of people, i am talkative, not shy? and easy to adapt to a new environment? even that day when i went for a job interview, the boss said that i like to talk -.- i was like replying "no lar not really", but i don't think he is convinced lar. but i do admit, under certain circumstance, i am talkative and like to joke around, i may not be a quiet and shy person, but i am not that cheerful as well.

i am nervous and maybe abit scared to enter into a new environment, to meet new people, because i will worry about if they are friendly? if what i say will offence them? if they will like me? i think this could be a sign of not confident enough. i can only be myself and feel comfortable with people whom i am familiar with by my side, after all these years, my independency is getting weaker, i just need to do things with partner? i just dun feel comfortable to do things alone? i enjoy companionship, that's why i really want to live with frens in this new country, but my budget will be a main problem =(((

tired. i think just stop here.

mixed feelings

2010-02-12T08:28:00.002+08:00

when it is getting close to the end, time always FLIES. now thinking back, my 3 months here seems like a dream, practically i don't really have to worry much and my life goes on here.But i need to back to reality soon, when i back to auckland, and start my school life once again. By then, i need to mug again. mug for job, mug for daily expense, mug for school,mug for adapting the life there again. basically, no more honeymoon. But this is my choice, i cannot complain.

But i do miss the pple here. and basically, i feel myself back to "normal" again when i met him. at least finally, i have feeling for some1 older than me! but too bad, frm the day he came and the day i left, less than a month, there is nth much i can do, juz when i am able to joke with him and he is able to joke back with me, i have to go. i can only bring this crush to leave with me, but well, maybe back to nzl, i will be able to let go of this feeling, i know myself, i can't handle long distance, i am bad at keeping long distance relationship, let it be frens or others, because i am not really active in chatting online. But when i see the person face to face, I am able to get connected again, it feels good to get re-connected.

but anyway, he will be in sg for just a year then flight back to his own country, totally impossible. but that night, when 4 gals with 1 guy chit chat at coffee beam, i feel happy and don't wish to say goodbye.

realise i prefer to blog when my mood isn't tat good, i guess blog is really the place for me to vent my unhappy emotions? when i feel happy, i dont really feel a need to blog it here , but when i am feeling down, maybe by blogging here, i feel better, and i dont really like to share my problems in detail in real life, i think maybe that explains why. i shall just let my emo side shows here and face the real world with a positive attitude.

anyway, yesterday just got the news dat my uncle pass away. life is really fragile, the next morning u woke up, you realise the loved ones just left without any words. i really can't imaging how painful it can be and i really scared to face this ...no...

SHE

2010-01-18T17:29:00.003+08:00

4 more weeks to go, sometimes just can't deny that time really flies, 3 months sounds so long yet i feel like as if i've just returned home.

random thoughts...

Sometimes won't you wonder...
2 persons, once so closed, suddenly,you just don't know where went wrong, they just split and getting lesser to talk to each other, slowly, when they see each other, just smile, say hi, and have some casual chit chats, no more heart to heart talks, you just suddenly have a weird feeling towards this once-so-closed friend,now, they just like some casual friends, you just contact or see them once in a blue moon or if lucky, bump into each other on the street.

i don't really know what happen to this particular one, and i wonder if she knows why, when i see you, at the moment, i feel excited, and heart beats abit faster than usual ( as if i've got feeling for you?), it made me sigh at the same time, because somehow i feel the gap in between. However, i just can't forgot those things u did, this made me become a small gas person and i decied not to give in. if some1 doesn't treat you the way like u do, forget it then.

i wonder when i will see you again, maybe bump into each other soon? sometimes i even thing that, if i were a boy, i guess maybe i will fall for you?

Let the pictures do the talking

2010-01-09T11:34:00.007+08:00

a dinner hosted by a kiwi family. super nice food and cute boy boy =)

nice mussel cooked by JW. receipt pls lol.

A simple dinner with ky. happy to drink my campell soup =)

ever since i've been in nzl, i enjoy hanging around starbucks more and more, during my last sem's exam, my highest record was to drink greentea latte consecutive five days..oh mine.

but in sg, greentea frapp seems more suitable?

good health is a bless...

2009-11-30T08:39:00.003+08:00

just the day before we went johor, grandma fell down again and sent to TTSH. i really hate, or rather say, scare to go hospital, because when i saw those patients, i just feel weird, don't know how to describe the feeling, it just ain't good.

she's going to hospitalise for about a week, and heard that doctor is going to discuss with uncle whether granny needs to go for operation. she's already 80 plus, it's such a TORTURE to go for operation at this age! and it's dangerous; but it's frature, so might be no choice but go for op? TOUGH DECISION? but i really can't imaging how painful it is for her to go under the knife again! what if she cant tolerate the pain or whatever happen? i can't take it. i am weak! hais when i thought i will be nagged by her everyday, now nobody nag at me again...

mum's health ain't that good as well, high blood pressure and stuf...hais...now i really feel that health is really realllly important! when u are sick, not only financially, but physically suffer...hais...

Besides, feel blur about the future again, where to stay? what do work? it bothers me again and again and nv stop.

helpless.

anyway, trying to see if i am able to pay on behalf of mum for grandma's fees, i guess i will try to find more jobs~

in SG

2009-11-26T14:40:00.003+08:00

wanted to blog about few events but still lazy to upload the pics and stuff..hmmm

been here for a week...so far so good~ happy mood everyday so far =) and been punctual to work~ whee improvement?

company block facebook and msn...well....so here i am blogging~~

but feel sleepy already..lazy to cont now .. so dots. lols

oh ya thinking if wanna dye black colour..the Bigen brand~~hmm

2009-10-21T19:11:00.009+08:00

omg still slacking mode? hmmmm... but still gooooood luck for my exams!

i created this home-made rice wrap~whee

2009-08-28T20:44:00.000+08:00

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42950
ECON
101
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29 Oct 2009
2:15PM- 5:30PM

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City
Closed Book
Calculators Permitted

42964
COMLAW
101
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31 Oct 2009
9:15AM-11:30AM

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City
Closed Book
No calculators permitted

43091
INFOSYS
110
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5 Nov 2009
9:15AM-12:30PM

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City
Restricted Book - Written upon
No calculators permitted

43064
ACCTG
101
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6 Nov 2009
9:15AM-12:30PM

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City
Closed Book
Calculators Permitted

wah so early finish~ might be going back sg after exam period~ woo long hol~

2009-08-03T18:04:00.002+08:00

been here for almost a month, really need to brush up my english. Uni life is kinda diff, and the study style as well, not really used to it yet as it needs much more independency...a person like me, whom even ask fren to help me pick up my handphone and help me to talk, needs time to adjust to this style eh...realise most of the time i am the one whom say "HI" to others first, well, i think if not, how to get to know others right? and keep hearing pple say i look familiar to them, i wonder why and if this is a good thing?

luckily my hp and shoe are still in the style of auckland? lols, so some pple thought i've been here for quite long while i've been here only less than a month?

anyway kinda worried now as my mum told me she met a car accident few day ago! wth! why accident happens to her again! DAMN! she kanna hit and bounce to 2 m away! shit the car driver!!!!!!!!! arh this is too scary isnt it! car accident, you might just lose your life if meet a car accident! luckly mum is fine, as she claimed, and hopefully it is the truth. she dun wish to tell me in the first place,scared i will be worried, but i told her, as an adult, i've the right to know and i have to learn to accept any bad news. arh but the worst thing is i can't be by her side when this kind of shit thing happend to her! God bless her with good health plesse. i BEG YOU. i can't take it if anything bad happen again, and at the same time i am new to a new country, differnt kind of stress just will be coming i foresee. sometimes i wonder why i made this choice, but there is no turning back?

still got so many assignement to do but i still feel quite lost? oh mine, hope can get through this, i can't afford to fail.

in Auckland`

2009-07-09T19:41:00.001+08:00

hey there, if you happened to read my blog, please note that....MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT IS GONE!!
due to some mistake...dots..sian..trying to reset and re- add soon

can't describe the feeling now...

2009-05-31T23:39:00.002+08:00

finally, i've got the answer and things are settled! like finally. but after the excitement, i realise there are actually more worries coming towards me.

the money issue, i think i really used to the comfortable life here, i did save up but like my mum said, i didn't save up the MAXIMUN amount that i can actually save, i still anyhow spend on food, clothes bla bla. now she gave me the warning that i gonna prepare to suffer when i go auckland, she will only like sponsor me 10k for everything, the extras, i gonna earn byself. i am actually a little bit scared, as i didnt touch the book almost 1 year and a half, work and study at the same time ain't easy, now feel more stress as i am really working for my own living, i am really scared..it seems things are so strange and unkown to me. anyway, chose this path, i will just go for it, hope i can adopt it as time goes by.

i feel abit down now, esp when i am with my grandma, i can feel that she very bu she de, i can somehow feel the sadness frm her action and expression, even thu she didn't say anything, i was like peep at her on and off and got this crying feeling, i don't know what to say also, but i know how she feels, i dont feel good as well.

hais...when i havent get the approval, i keeping chasing it, now i got it, i feel very lost, tats human nature i guess, i feel awful. and i wonder when will i be back.

aniway, i really hope the safety in auckland is fine, i am quite worried.

HAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JP Morgan Run

2009-04-17T18:00:00.002+08:00

Number 9465. Lol.

JP Morgan run 2009, dated 16.04.2009 6pm.

erm..when reached tat time it showed 57 mins...but can i like deduct 10mins? coz after the run started, i think i got stucked for at least 10mins? lol.. then, compared to the starndard charter, the route is not as nice to run, and it got U-turn one, i don't like.

After that heard people say that quite a number of people cheated during the run, i not sure how lar but somehow is like they wait at duno which point then after that join back the crowd. I think it saved around 2km's run?

but well, fair run is better lar.... got pride okay.

tmr gonna submit all the docs again. hopefully no more doc they asked from me lar! coz it's quite frustrating as i actually go apply it quite early this time but end up now like quite rush again. super low efficiency!

April Already, july is the date. I can't wait to get the visa and flight off! and, to leave the job that i don't think i suit!

BLESS ME!

one more try.

2009-03-15T16:17:00.004+08:00

the bruises i got from archery~ 1st lesson only blue-black, and this time round see blood!

hurt till i got abit phobia already so decided to get the protection set from instructor. 2 pieces, one for finger and one for elbow.

realise i don't really have must strength,hmm thinking how to improve on this. now the distance is only 5M away, as the level goes up, the distance will be further, which requires more strength.

week before last week is kinda sux i should say, and it's the first time that my health is affected due to this kind of stress. but after that incident, i feel the sudden change of my attitude towards certain things, and realise sometimes,silence is really a good way to keep things going. i just wish i can safely cont to work till the day my nzl visa is settle, i hope GOD won't let me disappointed again and again, my heart is weak...hmmm

and feel that sometimes, the longer u know the person, u actually realise that the lesser you understand the person...at that point of time feel abit lost actually, but i think we just need to learn how to adjust this kind of feeling and accept the fact, and maybe try to know more about the diff side of your fren. arh watever.

lastly, i think big mouth people is getting irritating.

sux man

2009-01-22T10:24:00.002+08:00

Will be away to HK and GZ from 26th to 5th Feb, a super last minute decision, it sounds funny but I don’t know why just suddenly feel like going Disney Land, trying to find some happiness there or what? But I am only able to treat daddy go, I wonder when we can go as a complete family…can’t believe it, it’s been more than 10 years since I saw my mother? I don’t think anyone is able to image how it’s like unless you are the one who’s experiencing it.

Waiting, yes waiting is really the worse feeling in the world for me at the moment.

As I got bonus this month, so I plan to bring more money for this trip, since it’s winter there and I’ve not much winter clothes, I thought I can have a good shopping and also, able to treat my relatives yum cha, dinner etc, and also, to cover daddy’ expense for two weeks, lol which I think I will feel quite happy as finally I am able to give instead of take, and which, also make me feel tat I’ve finally grow up a bit?

Arh damn but now, my wallet is suddenly so tighten up as I’ve spend nearly 1.7k for just one teeth. Yea can’t believe it man is 1.7k SGD. FAINT! Cannel treatment, few years ago my right side I rmb is cost about 300 plus,,,now is 5 times it…dentist is like the thief whom can steal your money legally! And you can’t say NO.

As our co. will sponsor us 200 bucks for dental so I thought of using it to fill the tooth and also to wash my teeth, but then the dentist told me that the hole is too big and unable to fill anymore, the only way is to do the root canal treatment, which I roughly know what it’s about and I know it’s expensive, I was like thinking, huh again. Okay so I asked the price and I didn’t expect he told me it is around 950 bucks, nearly 1000? Wah it’s like WOW. I asked if I don’t do and leave it like that then? He said cannot lar, eventually it will drop off, so like no choice, that is an important teeth, I lost one already, cannot lose another one liao. So start lor, then half way he told me my teeth is very complicated and is beyond his skill to cont, need to divert me to another specialist, wah, BEYOND SKILL, What a phrase, sommore he’s the dentist that I quite trust in de leh,now told me this, bo bian, I must cont so I follow his instruction and went to paragon’s level 11. dental clinic opens at PARAGON, walao, supre high price, except that, I do feel the difference as the equipment, environment all these are really more Pro the feeling~ then this side along, 1200 k plus, and Saturday still need to go back bishan one to do the crown thing, which total will be 460 plus…SUPER BIG HOLE IN MY POCKET, suddenly I lost all the plans as it’s such a big sum of money that I spend,

Suddenly feel health is so important, no matter how much u earn, if you are not healthy, eventually all the money will be eaten up by doctors and dentist!
Felt my tooth is so expensive now and must watch out what I eat already? Super no mood..and first time got and MC and is due to dental? Kind of weird.

And I really HATE AUSSIE EMBASSY! No news yet and hello sem is going to start, they are super irresponsible and the agency told me there is no way to complain. What kind of shit is there sia. Really start to hate them! Okay althu my case is more complicated but also dun need to drag till so long? I just feel that they are wasting my life! So I guess I shall prepare the worse, deferment and also another country?

And if I start my practical, am I able to complete b4 the deadline? It’s all about time, DAMN AUSSIE EMBASSY! But I don’t even know who I can complain to, hate the government, feel so helpless,

Simply nth seems right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hanging nowhere, I am working for sth I don’t really like but I can do nth right now, I just have to hang here, but its seems the performance is getting worse, and seeing people anyhow give you comment without any logic and evidence just made you so pissed off, I am getting insecure already as I really don’t know what’s in their mind and how they think about you, for now, I just wish to faster end the work and leave, I don’t wish to have more communication already.

torturing...

2008-12-19T09:00:00.002+08:00

finally, the high comm there stop asking me for documents, but anyway, that is the last doc that i think i can provide already. based on what the agent said, status now:PENDING.

now i reallly hate the word pending, pending means you have to wait and wait and nothing you can do...you just have to wait for them to tell u the outcome, well, if is a good news, of coz i dun mind the wait, but then wat if not? if i just sit here and wait, i am gonna lost everything and going nowhere, why can't they be more sympathetic and care other's feeling? wait for a day more means another torturing day for me, now it makes me dun dare to switch my hp to silent mode, coz scared miss any calls, and i will keep checking my hp if there is any missed call, make me abit like oversensitive person, keep looking at hp...arhhhh hate it.........working like a zombie and waiting like the ant on the hot pan...........totally a torturing feeling........more over, i duno if should start another application, coz if i withdraw half way...i am gonna lose some money...DAMN SO now if oni they let me know the outcome faster ..then i will know my next step........................................

this period is really sux for me........no direaction and lost............hatesssss it..................................................... when can it end?

Quick Update again

2008-12-04T22:56:00.012+08:00

~End of oct till start of nov eldc chalet

~next

~FINALLY PASS FTT AT THE 3RD ATTEMPT.conclusion, if wanna pass, better go and study. but then again, wonder when can start practical as things still unkown YET.HAIS,again.

~always nice to eat cake man... ate the cakes that i like on friends' bday...which are awfully choc and the mint choc cake...LOL

Co.'s D&D at the end of Nov.

vain sia...curly hair for a nite. maybe in the future will perm? well, finally get a blonde patch lol..but think will dye back soon lar...at least finally tried~lol

sat will be collecting the running pack and sunday will be the standard charter marathon already. I am like didn't go and train and not wearing a proper running shoe...gonna suffer man...just hope won't puke and be able to complete the whole race, but still can't imaging keep running for more than an hour...
and recently realise sth weird, recently only, i feel like i lost/forget the feeling of like some1?just like kind of numb and can't recall how its like? besides, i like to tease girls? hmmm...

boring entry

2008-11-12T22:31:00.003+08:00

Cindy Ong, give me the pics to BLOG~~~~~~

Okay...today was seriously stress up, serious, can't even sure what i am doing during work, just knew that i am keep doing and doing, hope nth goes wrong coz i am just "doing"...hais...quite insecure when u don't have the confidence in what you do yea...

damn why must they torture me like that? when i thought all the docs are ready, then tell me still need this still need that, then ask me send this and get that, even when the docs are so true and completed, they still got doubts and ask for more. hello, you simply say u want this, but what i need is to send things here and there. I GOT Not much time, damn it's really killing me, waste my time, also make me stuck in the air, i can't plan anything. damn. i really hope that i can directly talk to the officer, her/his brain stuck izit? Can they process faster? really hates this feeling, super super insecure and lost.

saw this tag, and suddenly recall that last time used to have few gals that called me "lao gong", hmm thinking back, like quite sweet huh? mayb i should find a new wife to call me lao gong le?hmmm...

well, i think i am fine that lost contact with some pple, i shall not give a damn also, no point one-sided, don't have to cherish the frenship if the other party don't even make effort? BYE...take care.

guys are getting weird and hard to understand, and i don't trust love as much like i do before i guess? it seems so hard for guys to remain faithful? i don't even trust my father, i keep asking my mother stop being soft hearted, always listen to him and give in to him, now i am still waiting for the visa to approve, on the other hand, my father is only care about his money because he wanna buy stocks, damn, super disappointed at the moment i heard about that, does he ever care about my future? WE NEED Money and now he only care about his STOCK? and honestly i really doubt if my dad is being faithful, i don't trust any men,there are just so many temptation outside, and my mother's backbone is too hard i guess, she agree to let him take back the money once it's done. WTh, in my whole life, did he ever care about my feeling and my study? well like other says, it's quite amazed that without parents by my side, i didn't gone bad? yea i wonder why also, sometimes i also wonder how i grow up like this also...family? i can't really rmb the feeling of that. sad? well at least compare to some, i am able to buy things that i like? so what? you can never make up for the love that i lack of. nowadays, how many love ones can last forever?

you simply flirt with everyone, or just that i think too much? stop flirt like this, it will makes me wonder. i can't sure if i sense right sometimes. hais.

laid back

2008-10-19T20:40:00.006+08:00

just somehow feel that october's quite a good month for me, mood's been kinda good.

okay finally made the decision, chosen university of queensland over UNSW,well, honestly, since duno when, i kinda like UNSW, i don't know is because of its name or impression or what, just like it, so i guess i somehow feel abit upset that i didn't choose it, but since both school are about the same standard, then must think about the cost already, then, i choose the shorter duration one, the cost is quite a big difference. but of cuz, i am scared if i really got to go queensland, i will be alone then.TOTALLY ALONE. if syd, at least got mother and pple i know, but, unsw is too ex...HAIS. aniway, few more weeks i will know my near future, hopefully things goes smooth~ i am working aimlessly now as this is not what i want to do, i am like working to pass the time as well as earning money, but nonthless,i started to get used to the workplace, thu i am still blur sometimes.

11-12oct bintan kelong, i wanna go back to the sea again. really nice.i hope i can improve on my swimming skill and be more brave~ banana boat is fun thu i got mani injuries for that.

a really good getaway.

time to get a shades?

next, ice skatin with cols. fun too, and go vogue after that, drink abit already cannot liao...weak lu.

end of this month, 3 days 2 night chalet. yea man~hope to have fun.

hmm recently try to see what's facebook about, and found out that he got one too, and he's new and duno how to use as well, but won't add him at the moment yea..also he might not accept.watever,aniway, his look more pai kia now? hais. well honestly, if i really got to leave here, mayb i will wanna ask u out and ask u to answer some of my doubts...whatever.

DJ Shog~ trance?

2008-10-01T22:16:00.002+08:00

nice.

nth is the same anymore...

2008-09-13T22:01:00.008+08:00

suddenly i realise that, i actually can't rmb well what i've done, and if i don't write it down, i am going to lose all these memories but anyway, some i can't really rmb already, so i tink try to recall some recent events.

1.most of the ingredients for making coffee pork is ready, as my aunty's having a food stall, so she got quite a number of it, so now i nee to get 500g of the spare ribs, coffee oil and maltose, i can start my hands on, provided i really can find a day and guai guai stay at home and do, coz the marinate part already takes up about 3 hr.

2.i abit reluctant to teach my p5 boy nowadays, sometimes he is quite enthu during the tuition, but when he is not, it can be super irritating, besides, sometimes he don't know how to show respect to his teacher, hais see how le...aniway gonna take over ray's student maybe for like 2 months? hopefully this student will be better, since he's already a sec 2 boy, but still prefer if ray faster "take" it back as i find it abit tiring if teaching two kids at the same time, don't dare to imaging how tired i will be yet man~

3.Here it goes comex fair again. one year ago, i met him during the show when we selling gprs. hais thinking back, how time flies, it's been a year already, it was sweet then, but now? i guess he is happy flirting around, and i am still keep thinking abt the past, when can i completely get over it? it's alreay more than 6 months! i feel so useless that i still keep thinking abt tis everyday, it keep pops up in my mind, but i know he don't feel a thing and why can't i feel the same way like he do? it sucks.

and after this show, realli feel tired to work at IT fair le...not as energetic and enthu as b4, the sales is not good, and it will just makes u miss the poly life badly. hais if oni we don't have to grow up and step into the working life, i still feel insecure when working at the business firm, it seems that not everyone is as nice as you thought, why can't the communication be a more friendly one?

4.i don' know what's wrong, used to feel clubbing is abit wasting money and aimless lifestyle, but sometimes it can be fun? the atmostphere and the music sometimes is quite nice. last friday zouk, but ysd's PLAY is the most happening one to me, as the whole dance floor is actually filled with gays and i tink there is less than 10 gals there oni? they are kissing and holding hands. before i visited this club i didnt know that there are so actually so mani gays in our society, after ysd, if u are a gal and u see what i saw, it's actually quite disappointed as some of them are quite good looking and their dressing is style, imaging the pretty boy that dance besides you only likes guys, what's going on man? but at the same time, i feel quite comfortable with them around, they seems friendly and really enjoy themselves, not bad. and then, i keep saying him look like gay, now i feel that is so true! coz some gays i saw, is actually like his style, as in the dressing, and maybe the feeling. i think he should be convinced by me now, as he really did attracted some gays. then i suddenly imaging, what if i see him in this gay club? should i be happy that he become a gay? lols.but i tink impossible lar...he enjoy flirt with gals more i guess.

5.the date is approaching, think by mid oct, i should start the visa thingy already, i kinda scared of the outcome, so before the result comes out, currently i abit feel like live without aims, slack around, working just to get the money as my mind is still not in it. PRAY HARD AGAIN AND AGAIN.

6.Watched boys over flower, too sweet already as in this world, like so impoosible has such a perfect guy, handsome, rich and so loyal to gf. jue zhong nan ren liao.

7.still havent take the green belt...and how? should i transfer? hais...

8.tmr is zhong qiu jie already, gotta go over ky house to eat. hais when can i have a complete family zhong qiu jie?

9.quite good to meet up some old frens again, brings back the memories of those days, but some of them it's like so hard to meet again ya...it's kinda scary that u feel that some pple is just like is going to disappear in your life even u wanna them to stay, this feeling is very very horrible and really don't know how to describe it.

lastly, i tink is a bad idea to read your own old blog entries, it makes u think alot and wonder how come we cannot write the way like we used to write last time, a more interesting way. if only we can turn back time and nv grow up. feel so lost again after so long.

some guys eh..ask them out like so hard lor...bo xin sia...

mix feeling

2008-09-05T00:21:00.004+08:00

been busy around yet still thinks alot...

i am getting worst....i realli wanna be a punctual person, i am feeling super irresponsible right now...no matter how serious i am during work...i know being late for work already spoilts everything...i am feeling very bad for that seriously yet at the same time...i keep repeating the same mistake...i wonder why am i like that? i realliii wanna change~!

honestly when pple ask me if i like my job, i just simply say out i don't know, no feeling, not say like, not say don't like as well. most importantly, the aus thing realli kills me, i am like waiting for the day to settle it, but still choosing betw the schools~ i need to bargain for two years instead of 3....it's tiring man...keep sending and waiting emails, kills me. at the same time, i realli realli scared the visa will be rejected, if that realli happens i realli will feel the end of the world i guess....BLESS ME PLS! i am still wandering around hais...

sometimes feel quite insecure as well, as u won't know when others are PMS-ing, hais, and quite scared when sth's screw up, it makes u nervous. hais duno le

hmm

2008-08-15T13:33:00.000+08:00

after writing the previous post feel beta liao so no feel liao so remove it.

zzz bth myself...didnt study ftt then go and take the test end up fail, waste time and money. zzzz cannot like that liao...

hp nv spoilt...lols juz bo batt datz why cant turn on, scared myself.

no more eye candy liao...back to the normal dry office le...hais....

tiring...

2008-06-23T14:53:00.002+08:00

time passes really fast...i seem abit used to my job already, thu it's like less than 2 months only?
but also, as time goes by, i know myself better, i know i don't like this kind of work, this kind of environment, it seems easier and relax to talk to people in school environment ya? also, my punctuality really lousy which i really wish to change...then i realise i don't really like to follow rules, i don't like formal wear, so if only i got enough capital, and with the knowlege on how to run a business, i really wanna have a small buisness like food stores with my family, simple and nice...hmmm but it's so hard, firstly haven't form a family, secondly no capital yet~

now suddenly really feel the pressure about money issue, cause like so many fees need to pay and my mother this time like don't give in...not like last time i say i poor then she help abit, because i m working already, no excuse to ask money from her already eh...

sometimes really wanna cry it out loud to feel better, now all the pressures make my heart feels kinda heavy.

although school life is good, but sometimes i am still glad dat poly is over, coz looking back, it ain't happy throughout all the 3 years, and sometimes, i don't feel like get in touch with some people, well...

and why is it so hard to get over it~and i m now like being controlled, hope that after get what my mother wants me to get, i can get what i get as well, i wanna experience a new lifestyle, and i know it's gonna be super tough...poor life over there? lols...

and guys are really getting disguisting! what's in their mind? yucks.

i can blog during work today sia..can see how free i m today...zz but i dont like lei..coz act busy is hard~

i wanna get license and fly away from here. but then? after that? where will i belong in the future?

quick update

2008-03-23T00:26:00.002+08:00

the resutls better than expected.

well, but think mother still prefers me to work than study?

see how it goes le.

6th april - tkd grading. eh but think there like abit cheat money leh? like nv teach properly?
14 to 18 april macau trip . till then.

guess still not recover completely. it takes time i guess.

2008-02-04T13:18:00.000+08:00

fren ask me...nx time dun be so silly already...don put in all the trust and emotions into a relationship, coz in the end.. will only hurt badly. but i was like answer, this kind of feeling...how to control rite? u can't control the level of love you put into dat person...and for me, once in a relationship, i juz can't control, and will put 100percent of love,trust and care for that one. but yes, in the end, hurt badly, again and again.but i reallllllly love him....and i realli think he is good, but they ask me...he might nt as good as what u think..don't just keep thinking about the good pts of him...it will onli hurts more. but, i can't think of ani bad pts of him nw, the most hurtful things is the things he did to me now, and i really don't undertand.

when will guys wanna settle down, why they still wanna play, why they just let go like that?
but for now,i still pretending, till exam ends. i think the result won't be much diff, but i realli still wanna try, even though i know i m gonna get hurt again.

why love betrays me when i trust it so much? my world has broke down...help me...

人群里面那个我把幸福遗落那曾经走过的路口我停了你却走我想捂住我的耳朵听不见你说爱就在此刻松手分手放手我猜不透不猜透和你背对背的走原来怪我没有没有爱情的天分你才要走我想要学会自我催眠痛觉会少一些潜意识作祟想着想到失眠我躺在没有你的房间寂寞更加明显我渐渐的自我催眠却回不到从前等着红灯那个我还会向前走也许那幸福的执着在下一个路口专属铃声我还留着却静静沉默在我们之间爱了放了散了我会不说不想说怕说了也没有用现在我的幽默只是掩饰着心痛我的难过聪明再多一些我走在没有你的世界却走不到永远慢慢闭上双眼

exam timetable

2008-01-09T16:20:00.000+08:00

12-FEB-08 (TUE)
12:30PM - 02:00PM
BM0516
GLOBAL SUPPLY CHAIN MANAGEMENT (WK 18)
grp ZB
E.308
seat 19

13-FEB-08 (WED)
12:30PM - 02:30PM
IT3503
INTERNET SYSTEM SECURITY& ADMINISTRATION
grp 03
G.221 (Z3)
seat 141

Also, uni admission period. online application period- feb.
oversea uni preparation. (nz,ca)

2007-12-28T01:07:00.000+08:00

zzz shld be doing proj but i m writing blog now?

is this sem's proj too hard...or is i slack?

not as much confident as b4 in this sem, but no matter what, must get them done, can't afford to fail...no way man.

fri to nx monday will be working at centrepoint 7-11...hmmm

and 2008 is coming...nt much hard feeling but somehow, still looking forward ya? after all, it's so called a new start...

i think it's still somehow not easy for me to open up and express myself the way i wish to? maybe coz...my family's nt with me for so long? few years then see cousins once?so like nt realli good at communicate and build relationship with people...maybe coz of the lack of family bonding that makes me lack of the feeling of secure and so eager to find a shell to hide inside?sigh. really. kinda envy people that have siblings and have family outing.

enough of emo-ing. work hard...for the future. though still...fates decides.

updates

2007-12-27T00:48:00.000+08:00

internet marketing:
ica2 individual project - 18th jan 2008
ica2 project - week 17( feb?)

global supply chain:
ica project due - 7th jan or 11th

entre:
ica 1 part c - 14th jan
ica3 indi test - 21st jan
entre day - week 16

internet security:
ica 2 chapter4,6,7,8 - week13or 14
case study 10%

java:
practical after term break
assignment,written test

not forgotten...
EAIPJ
update the blog also.

omg.good luck.

baby gave me a bracelet from mintmark& co for xmas, cute...love it...and the red box with the snow flake is nice...

but...as long as i have you...enough le...

tuesday

2007-08-28T14:25:00.001+08:00

still raining now...when will it stop so i can go cut hair with anna later...zzzzz...make a post b4 i off to bathe...uh huh...

9sept to 8oct will be away from Singapore...hope can enjoy myself and...forget all the unhappy stuff for some time...

sometimes feel like isolated my self from the world really...also don't know why...sometimes i am thinking...sometimes m i treating somethings too seriously? and what drift people apart?

i think i shall keep reminding myself... back to the old me...so to make things simpler and make self feel happier...

for now..abit like free from the feelings for ahem ahem ahem ahem le bah...now what worries me most is my future? hais...upon graduation...then this keep troubling me...mum kinda keen wanna me to work at least for a year first...to get a PR first bah...got a hou lu sth like dat...but of coz deep inside my heart...i wanna furthur study...we can't deny that...it's nt easy to pick up study again when u don't keep in touch with it for a long time...like rusty? i hope i got the determination to pursue what i want to do...a diploma is really nt enuff nowadays ba...and i really wanna school life to cont...haix...but money pressure, mother's side...reality everything...i guess i don't have a choice right now...

MONEY...haiss....can't deny...sometimes i m thinking...if we don't have to worry abt the financial side...things will be so much more easier...

working life...honestly...i tinking i m nt ready yet..and also...i m kinda afraid of it?

simple life is nt so easy after all...sigh...

the past few weeks...

2007-08-12T02:59:00.000+08:00

firstly...last friday watched "bu neng shuo de mi mi" with cindy, lala,fatt and koufu...GOT FEEL ARHHH...sweet and touching...omg...keep hui mei~

this pic was taken after the "LAN GAME" outing...memorable...after lan went to esplenade area to ton awhile...miss...

Again...National Day...but don't know since when...i don't really like my bday is on this day le...lazy to say the reasons le...but...still...thanks for all the surprises~BI 0506 peeps, Eldc&Bsu Peeps, Ex srjc Ld Peeps, and keke and ning...really appreciate it...

but then i am thinking...when can i celebrate with my family? haix...

Last friday is Eldc Last day...haix...honestly felt like is my last day as well, really used to the life with them...bu she de...really wanna hug them...haix..next week when i walk pass eldc room, there is no one for me to smile at le? miss the lab that filled with them...arhhh!! also, i know that,haix...there's sure nt the same anymore...distance do matters really...hope still can have outing...esp the nite cycling~~hmmm

and next week, will be my last week at bsu,tep le...even harder to see them le...hmmmmm....

really enuff of the feeling of comes and goes le...it really hurts...

haix...and even the road of study is so complicated,without money and things, u can't even choose the place u wanna study and the things u wanna do...hao fan arh...i can't see the future? very mess up...who knows maybe i need to work first then can cont study? haix...who knows...

he will be my secret. hidden.

2007-07-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

ysd watch "die hard4" with ElDC peeps....erm...nt really like action movie but...tink the movie okay ba...fell asleep for a very short while coz too tired...but enjoyed being with them...hope there are more outings...

thought i can't deny that, distance really matters, and somehow...haix...i no longer in eldc, but, just hope things won't change much...can things stay in its way?

tonite...wow...rejoined TKD again...bring back my childhood memories! miss tkd...it's like donkey years ago...lolx...but abit paiseh sia coz there are lots lots of kids, but surprising anna prefers this atmosphere than kick boxing in nyp, she said don't really like the people there, rather be with the kids...okay some kids are kinda cute? erm...and the gal who taught us today...um...handsome gal? hmmm hmmm....ANNA don't ps arh...i will motivate u to go for lesson...tkd is nice.

lastly,realise that i can't talk normally and be myself when infront of some people...then i start to think...maybe i shall just don't take it too hard, since i can't even be comfortable with them, my converstaion with them...erm...i guess is kinda casually as well, as in...hi, tok some crap, then ...bye?

kinda sad, but , rather than i act shou rite. i rather don't talk much, if there is no such need, i don't wanna be fake. no point forcing myself anymore? let it go.

lol what am i talking?

and i m very confused...really...but i know it's impossible, i don't wanna get hurt, so...it's safter to keep it to heart.

the past months

2007-05-23T09:56:00.000+08:00

long time no blog... lolx.1 of the small reasons is that, very lazy to create google mail...when u r lazy, u can be very lazy.......

too many things had happened...abit lazy to type also...

my attachment at IBM 's gonna end this friday, as well as My Nafa Arts...when things come to the end, then you will cherish the time that left...haix...abit bu she de...For IBM, abit used to the long journey already...and the environment...marketing is actually not bad as in can go for events...eat nice food ...haha....and of course...the people here...miss...For art...it's like already a year, and the teacher is kinda friendly as well...haix...why must thing has an end.

(ps.jacky is not frm my department...hahaha)

Besides...really dun really want Tep leh...none of the class gals with me also...then i don't want waste time play game all those in school...no life? but since it's coming...just hope that it's better than what i think ba...

then currently taking up the hair dressing course...still cont to find cake or cooking course bah...plan for my future housewife style...lolx...

lastly...hmmm....it's already like 2 months plus liao...and i seem to be okay? but when his name or photo or if i heard anything about him...my heart still beats...so it still affects me i guess? haix...

( i will move on i will move on...)

oh ya hey hey...anytime u all wanna la kopi...i m just a sms/call away lar...jio me okay. lol...very on one okay.

退后...the lyrics is so....haix...

2007-03-28T12:10:00.000+08:00

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去

year 2 sem 2

2007-02-10T11:14:00.000+08:00

27-FEB-07 (TUE)
08:30AM - 10:30AM
IT2604
SOFTWARE ENGINEERING PRACTICES
Seat 106

01-MAR-07 (THU)
08:30AM - 10:00AM
BM0520
INTRODUCTION TO MARKET RESEARCH (WK 19/20)
Seat 103

boxing day

2006-12-26T20:24:00.000+08:00

christmas was over~if not wrong today shld be called boxing day ba...

spent christmas night till boxing day afternoon with class peeps, thou in between got feel like nth to do and sleepy...but after all, had fun~ =p and i wonder why i vomit so many times also...juz drank a cup of vodka+sprite... too full or jiu liang nt gd? ahha...

it's always nice to read hand-written cards...feel the warmth, which can't be replaced by sms and emails... looking forward on tmr,thurs, and maybe friday as well... when school reopen, torturing days will start again...hope can get over it...peace peace...

year2007 is coming liao...so fast...suddenly wish the time can stop or don't pass so fast...i will miss alot of things that had happend...

nice to be in class dbi0506 actually.

2006-11-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

feel extremely tired....

after her A-level, she should feel happy isn't it? i keep saying i am so envy lor...it's like...freedom days are ahead man...not like me...still struggling... but instead, she don't feel that way, many problems in her mind. one of the main inciddent made her feel this way...

" u treat this person as ur best friend, however, that person might not treat u the same way, she may just treat u as one of her normal friends only."

i got this thought b4 as well, and when she said this, it makes me wonder again...

yes, will they feel the same way like i do? i have not much confidence suddenly.

i admit my temper is not really good.i try to mind my words, but why sometimes they just never know and realise how hurtful their words are? i really wanna shoot back but at that moment i just like lack of words. u shoot me do not means i must do the same ya?

but female is xiao qi, forgive not forget.

recently really wonder what kind of life is this? school is just not that good.

i need a break. haix.

should things better to keep in heart? or pour it out? i really haf no idea already. maybe just don't think about it first.

so many school works nid to do like that...but like nth is done?

some people trying to say some words that made it sound like they are caring, nice and kind. but when things really happen, they might just watch u die, or shoot u behind. sick isnt't it?

blog at SCHOOL lab

2006-11-07T14:38:00.000+08:00

house internet down. no online for me don't know till when sia...hmmm...

happy bday for both "piggie" and "da qiu".

had fun yesterday. simply likes food. and nowadays like to observe the design of the cakes. thurs also bought a cake for grandma.

just now watch a show called " final fu" , mtv channel.not bad, got more motivation to learn k.b better.

nowadays got lots injuries thu is just minor ones, from k.b and frisbee training. but had fun too.

wed frisbee tournament...try my best. aim? don't get the bottom 3~ come on man~

sat is going to haf fun~woohoo...eat prata then rollerblade. if got the money think will consider get a pair, coz the rollerblade shoe at ecp is soooo smelly........ also....nowadays like to eat at prata places, eat prata and drink milo dinosaur~~

nice food just make ur day.

aniway. juz wish to haf peace.

enjoyed

2006-10-14T15:39:00.000+08:00

had fun this holiday.

thurs treat my family jack's place, coz quite satisfied with my income this month =). will never order set meal from there, not that nice...but the appetizer not bad,and ice/cream etc... then get the member card and borrow some books from library again.

at night go explore chinatown and little india with winnie. can't find my smelly tofu still, and we enjoyed fooling ard at little india...but one irritating thing is that the bangalas like keep looking at you,wonder what's their problem...

yesterday,hmpt my 'aunt' made me so pain, but plan to go cycling le...so don't wanna spoilt the plan, then i just went ahead. after eat the pills from kat. guess not so pain liao. then cycle 2 hr just for $6 bucks,quite satisfied. the skating beginner' corner is quite interesting, u will see some pros there, and pple falling down of coz...ahha...then saw quan yi feng again...plus 2 superhosts. then at night went for art lesson. tiring day...

sun either go skating or go vivo city,last day b4 school reopen...hmmm so fast...don't want...

monday need wear fully black for k.b...reminded me that my oni nice black pant was lost...haix.

bye sept

2006-09-30T11:05:00.000+08:00

last day of september,last day work at ramen ten as well. oct will be a new month, and the starting of a new job.

shall not think too much. when u work u wanna quit,when u going to quit u wanna stay. how ironic life is.

been busy.

seldom wake up as early as today sia. and i think i don't like water color, wonder what i were drawing yesterday.

sometimes when i say sorry,doesn't mean that i agree that was my fault, maybe i simple just want to make the atmosphere better. get it.

nice songs make ur day.

that's all.

summary

2006-09-16T02:47:00.000+08:00

tues to wed class chalet. had fun.
-->sw,lq,me,shir,py,eve,chris,ray,jk,steven,jx,xp,hd,yc

wed slp till 6pm sth, went for tuition, then mos.
-->you don't drink so much leh...

thurs went fortunate restaurant@ toapayoh. had dim sums for xia wu cha...nice!
-->family family family!

fri today water painting for lesson.

nervous to view result...arhhh...coz feel that did not do well...hmpt nvm...wat's done is done.

will join kick boxing when school reopen with anna. whee.

miss...

2006-09-11T00:19:00.000+08:00

yesterday stay with winnie and ning till 2am plus...chit chat and play...funny and nice haha =) then first time take the NR1 realise it got alight at amk and bishan...not bad eh...

then ting hui is in singapore...woohoo...she finish her A and she got into cambridge uni! that's so great. what make me more envy is that she got to travel to italy,scotland and some places~ like so wonderful! italy...a place that i wanted to go...feel that she's quite enjoying life...i think live in western country is free and nice...abit motivated to work harder for my goal~!

had lunch with her and king at aji tei, my favourite unagi and sashimi bento...yum yum but not that full...but i was late again...and we all need to leave early like ard 2 plus to 3 sth, coz king need study for her maths exam tmr, me nid go for tuition and th meet her sis...hopefully tmr will see her again.

was like at least 1 year or more then can see her once, maybe i dun talk as much as b4, but inside my heart, i am really really happy...haix why always like that one, those people that i like and want to meet, must wait at least a year then can meet once....it's really really really a torture to me.....haix....feel very empty when everytime apart with them,both my family and friends.

=)

however in our life, some pple we might not want to see them, but we need to see them very often. isn't it a torture as well. opps.

then...eh late for tuition, late for ramen ten. like a chain...late for one thing...then resulted late for everything.

haixxxx....................

2006-09-08T23:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really wonder...if other people were in my shoe, can they be real happy?

messy background.
messy status
unknown future like u can't even know where u will settle down.
messy home.

messy until u dun even wanna go clear ur mind to think about it. there' ll nv be an answer for it.

well but at least, i survived?

finish poly maybe the condition will be better, sometimes really hope time can pass abit faster.

yea i know i keep complaining abt it no use at all. so okay mum, i choose to live strong no matter what.

pple only see my smile, do they really understant what's behind a smile?

all i ask for is a simple and happy home. i don't wanna blame u anything already cause i know it will only hurt you. i know u live not easy as well. let's work hard together even we are physically apart.

okay enough of emo shit.

so envy sia anna got to meet westlife in person! that is like a dream comes true man!! she got to tok to them and get their signature omg~ makes me so regret that time nv go for bsb concert...at least can breath under the same place........so wanna blame myself! haix..coz sometimes when u miss a chance, u won't know when it will come again...maybe never.

she is so high now that wanna meet up. maybe later? really xian mu lehx...if i got to see bsb in real life i tink i also dun wanna slp already................................................

tmr should be a nice day too. that's all.

short updates

2006-09-06T01:48:00.000+08:00

working is quite okay.
saw kwon sang woo at imm...crowed like mad...he is so charming!!
did some shoping...buy quite a number of things...and googles of couse...shld try do more sports during holiday.

swimming tmr...eh no i mean later...today...

that day had a big quarrel with mum...shout to the phone till like all the passer-by look at me? who cares, can't control. but luckily,now okay liao.

had a over night chatting time too...whee know some new stuff again.

liling reset her tamagotchi again and she was surprised that mine now is 3rd generation liao...eh but really so hard to feed meh? -_-??

recently open a chinese blog at wretch...quite a simple and nice website...so abit lazy to update here liao.

2006-08-31T21:36:00.000+08:00

Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous

nice!

ramen ten

2006-08-15T01:28:00.000+08:00

put my emo shit aside first. now is not the time to think so much.

hmmm stress up when teach harrison maths...a pri5 boy who don't understand how to calculate 1.5 X 1000...really stress...how to find a best way? wondering...

okay.erm last saturday after watching the france firework go kbox with rt peeps. the one sing to nx day morning 6am one. with winnie,liling,ning,mel,jw,derrick,fly,terrence and tommy.

skip the detail. they gave me this ice cream cake. i love cake! and sa bo around lolx...touched really...but paiseh also...but maybe bcoz it's nt the exact day liao so feeling abit weird haha...but thx.

this time don't feel sleepy throughout the whole session until everything's end.whee...

realise actually many gals like to play tamagotchi still...some boys too...get one lehx...play with ur fren u will see something interesting...lolx.

=)

2006-08-11T01:31:00.000+08:00

my drawings =)

the italy firework...but this time my view kana blocked...so this is my best shot already...

kinda like my this semi-formal =) tues morning take pay. then finished the ecpj presentation.

watched lake house at PS... the ending is super nice...touched...

then meet lq they all...very on sia haha...thx for spending the first min with me. touched =) loves it.

sand house made by srjc?

sweet secret's tiramisu...not bad...but marianne seems doesn't like it?

and thx for spending the last min with me =)

when ji asked what is my wish...abit sad for the moment...coz the wish will be family reunion soon...i am waiting for the day...haix.. and dat's why i don't like to talk much about my past background. just know the present me is enough i guess...i don't want to think too much...

TO MY FRIENDS:

thanks for all the wishes...made my day...how i wish i can bump into u all everyday haha...but ya impossible...but thx...a sms will do...we missed each other for that moment at least.

the bag is nice and my tamagotchi 1st generation is named " kiki"...what a act cute name haha...

and finally i think i realise sth...i appears to be cheerful but i think indeed...i am not so...so it's like kinda not match? so that's why feel weird? i don't know.

too emotional hurts.

=|

2006-08-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

don't blame anyone.
now the problem is ...i think i can't stand myself man. i don't like the present me! especially when looking back...the " present" one is like so don't know how to say...no way...wake up wake up...see and think things in a more simple way please. hold on!

back back back. come back!

i very mean one...if it's impossible...i rather he is a gay. at least...won't be that sad...hmmmm....crap.

okay maybe this sounds abit siao siao to some pple...but since my house is not far from school...plus i wanna jian fei...i am tinking if i should buy a bicycle...and of coz..if i buy...i won't cicycle to school everyday...lolx...i have been thinking this for long liao...but to take in action...courage and money is needed...hmm...holiday see how...also, cycle to some place near also not bad? but...another thing...where to park it...

the old times...

2006-08-05T02:02:00.000+08:00

projects going to the end...finally...phew...projects are quite torturing...not only the content u have to do itself...also the pple u work with...but nvm...it's over now...but exam is coming...hmmm

always reluctant to go nafa punctually...always like late for lesson but manage to finish the drawing of the day...hmm...slowly find back some confidence in drawing... =)

now got one more tuition kid..p5 boy chinese and maths...name harrison,my aunt's colleague's son...come from a broken family...so charge her at a quite low price...but now i found the joy of teaching...i hope i won't waste my student's parent's money...i really hope i can help them improve. that's my responsibility... jia you jia you... but this boy quite naugty sia...first day joke with me liao...somemore talk with his mum like nearly an hour for my first lesson...i wanna vomit blood liao coz i didn't expect boys are so hard to teach..prefer gals sia...but then today...grandma told me this boy told his mum that he likes me...haha...okay...since he likes me...okay i shall not give up so easilly even though i feel dat he is so naughty haha~

also...after a very long time...browse thru some frenster...saw some old photos...bring back some memories...haix...those were the days...miss it...but life got to move on...

the dark period is over...i feel that i m being abit harsh and bad temper during those dark days...why school must torture students in this way? haix...now it's gonna over~~~ i am back...back to the normal me hopefully... yea!

lastly.i wanna say that. please don't misinterprete my words. if u know me, u should also know that i am not that type of person who like to say those words which are suan and hurtful...cause i myself also don't like it...i will control my grip...but if some bad words really come out from my mouth, then i guess i have reach my limits.

exam timetable

2006-07-24T12:51:00.000+08:00

Examination Timetable - Academic Year 2006/2007 Semester 1

24-AUG-06 (THU)
12:30PM - 02:30PM
IT2602
ELECTRONIC COMMERCE
G.221 (Z2) 103

25-AUG-06 (FRI)
08:30AM - 10:30AM
IT2505
IP TECHNOLOGY AND NETWORKING
G.221 (Z2)
109

28-AUG-06 (MON)
12:30PM - 02:30PM
IT2601
DATABASE MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS
G.221 (Z1)
399

29-AUG-06 (TUE)
08:30AM - 10:30AM
BM0518
BUSINESS ENVIRONMENT (WK 19/20)
G.221 (Z3)
102

30-AUG-06 (WED)
12:30PM - 02:00PM
BM0519
PRINCIPLES OF FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT (WK 19/20)
G.221 (Z1)
104

Legend for Venue :
G.221 (Z1)
Sports Hall (Zone 1)
Block G, Level 2 [Sports Hall (Z1)]

G.221 (Z2)
Sports Hall (Zone 2)
Block G, Level 2 [Sports Hall (Z2)]

G.221 (Z3)
Sports Hall (Zone 3)
Block G, Level 2 [Sports Hall (Z3)]

reflection.

2006-07-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

must keep myself on the right track. somehow sometimes feels that i've behave unlike the usual me. like...throwing some attitude? not sure...just feel not that right.

sometimes only realise i've talking non-sense after my words have spoken out...hmm...what to do? feel paiseh and keep quiet maybe.

and if u feel that i've say some weird words to u? before trying to blame me, please check urself first.

pple got emotions...pple are easily being irritated. nowadays...for me,i think, if u feel that u're being irritated, try to ignore, turn away, keep quiet. and forget it. best for both parties. when u feel unhappy, u got to adjust it urself. find ur own way to be happy.

don't let all the projects studies occupied all ur times, spare some time for urself ,do something u like, and spend some time to do some meaningful events.

u shld not feel sad easily,even u feel so, u shld get rid of this feeling as soon as possible to move on. think about it, u got a healthy body, u got pple who love u, u got food,u can listen to so many types of music, u can join activities,u can buy the things u want...think about those pple who live in the 3rd country...u don't have the right to complaint that life is sux.

extras:
i think teaching is a nice job...but then feel paiseh when can't solve the question. the student not bad too...quite nice to chat with. and this is one conversation i find it kinda...eh...interesting?
she:"teacher, ur horoscope izit libra?"
me:"ehh no...why?"
she:"nah...i thought u libra...cause i got many frens who are libra and they are short."
me:"lolx izit, for me i think libra usually good looking."
she agree:" yea i also think so...so i though u are libra. then wat horoscope are u?"
me:" leo, how u find it then? i don't really like it coz i think it's abit fierce...coz lion mahx."
she:" har u leo arh? i thought usually leo is quite serious one."

conclusion. she think libra pple is short and good looking and leo pple is serious.
but she don't find me serious...coz i keep joke with her and chit chat maybe.
and she is libra as well.
haha...

tired...

2006-07-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

keke yishun fire station is nice...bcos of some pple... =)
tmr 10am tuition...swimming at night.
tues financial test.
24th jul hand in biz environment.

italy wins

2006-07-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

Italy is the champion of 2006 fifa world cup Germany. yeah!

around 4am something like suddenly woke up and catch the last part of the match.pple only rmb the winner...so what if get the 2nd? French cried...

forget since when i support italy already...like some years already...first attracted by totti if not wrong. wonder why world cup will make us feel so high and low sometimes...haha...

now it comes to and end.somehow abit not used to it...used to spend some night to watch it.hmmm...and some players...might not able to see them again...and for zidane...even more sad that he ended with a red card...

abit unfair during the matches...well but maybe life is like that...an unfair world?

but after all...still happy that italy wins. makes this monday a good day somehow.

random

2006-07-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

ysd shop with anna...got my puma italia jacket and wristband. i like them. but this month can't anyhow spend already. but anna still can't find her bag yet.hmm...

there's too much to catch up. feel mess up again.haix.

take notes:
-wed voice out
-thurs tuition
-fri nafa
-sat maybe ecp
-tcpip test next week
-next week check ecpj
-17th bic com proj
-24th biz environment proj
-----------------------------------------
don't know why sometimes feel sad when looking at grandma. she's like in the house everyday. because of her legs so she didn't even go downstairs to have a tea or something. i never tell her how i feel at all, i just don't know how to show my care. haix... i know i should spend some hours with her...at least have a small breakfast downstair...

mum dad grandmas grandpa i miss u...

friends... i don't know how to express that actually i did enjoy spending time with u. for those who i did not see for some time, i never show actually i did miss u all and hope that if u free to have a chat or go out sth...find me anytime.

maybe i don't talk as much sometimes, maybe i think this is a better way to keep myself from getting hurt, by talk lesser. even if i keep quiet.i do care. and when u talk to me, i am willing to listen and response.

and we need to know when is the time to stop the jokes.

still waiting for the true freedom...

fifa world cup

2006-07-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

there are more behind a soccer match.

watch both GER vs ARG and ENG vs POR match...penalty to decide who make it to the semi-final... penalty...like so depends on luck...the winner side : overjoyed. the other side: sad...cry. how cruel...but no choice.in a game,there's winner and loser...

can feel the stress when watching a live soccer match...don't know since when so nervous and abit stressful when watching soccer...too unpredictable. a soccer match is not just simply a match...

italy gonna vs germany...hmmm i guess Germany will make it to final but of coz hope will be italy...hope they got the luck...totti goal! wanna see the final which is

--------------------------------------------------------------

too bad the nafa class got no shuai ge...no i shld say it's all za bo haha...lolx which is good also...can be more concentrate.

u know he is not what u want...u know the feeling for him is not that type...is just simply like as a friend...u somehow feel abit happy when see him...but sometimes u just get irritated when talk to him...he is not yours but somehow u don't want other gals to get close to him...but after all...u just like him as a friend.keep a distance...maybe is better. maybe sometimes, you just don't have to know him too well...

being late is no good

2006-06-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

tonight watch a taiwan show called " tao se dan bai zhi"... hmm the theme is abit sensitive to me...but i am interested...is about being late...my bad habit...

yea being punctual acutally is quite important...if one always being late...he/she may lost the trust from his/her friends...

oh no...no one likes to wait...and no one likes the people who being late...it reflects a person's sense of responsibility and others...

hmmm...guitly to be late but got this bad habit...oh no...to become a more responsible person...i shall not be late!!! arhhh...

monday blues

2006-06-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

today is really monday blues. serious.

like so long didn't have this feeling already. i am panic because of ica marks?! biz com...no jokes...no exam...didn't do well then no chances already...arhh...if u want to furthur ur study...every sem's gpa is counted for poly...really panic...worried...still like so slacking...anxious.

and miss the holiday also...wonder when can see them...guess not so soon...hmmm

heart is dead over some things...haix.

blues...really blues.

hmmmmmmmmmm

2006-06-25T15:48:00.000+08:00

sometimes i have choice. but i realise...sometimes...i just don't have the choice.
mum and i got this decision. no matter what i need to work here for at least 2 years due to the contract with school...so no choice. work b4 continue my further study. i accept it. and i work for it. i will not give up the hope to go aus. i got no choice anyway.

finally told mum that i m giving tuition. she just accepted it naturally...haha so now no more secrets. she's still as open minded.glad. she's the best.

also...told her some of my feelings...about the dark side i saw in the society. she said maybe we need to accept and adapt it. 适者生存. and some pple just like to be bossy around.i asked:" so must i also have to become this kind of people then can live?" can't rmb what she answered,but if i have to become like that, i will never like myself. think about it.so sick.

altough i've been working there for like 1 and a half year. but i am glad that i nv talk to them with a bossy tone and order pple here and there...pple got eyes,pple can see...and i won't pick on them after the mistakes have been made. especially when it's just careless mistake.for what sia~add more fuss izit?sometimes i wonder if this is good? coz if u don't bossy ard...in other words...means pple will bossy u ard.

OPEN UR EYES. SEE CLEARLY B4 U SCOLD.

i won't chit chat when is busy...or maybe i wiping things during chit chat...can u see?if i see sth haven't been clear up...u tink i will act like didn't see? so if i didn't see it...and i see another customer standing outside need my help, u scold for what? now so many "supervisors" in rt sia...everyone like to order pple...like to bossy ard. well...i try not to bother already but don't cross the line. to protect urself,okay,so work is work,don't ever joke.

maybe u've changed. but i won't deny if i've changed. things happened to me recently force me to have some diff views. kind of lost also.but what to do. haix...

sometimes, somethings i guess i still have the choice...but now school reopen again...i don't have the time to look ard yet.once i found. then i guess i will say bye to the place. ya... bu she de, but i know is not the same anymore.the joy is gone.

there's no right or wrong. coz pple usually think themselves are the right one. maybe it apply to myself as well.so no pt to argue.

cut hair with anna later.

shockest moment of my life

2006-06-18T00:22:00.000+08:00

all these happen too sudden...just like a dream...or nightmare? long and shocking day.

friday. had some shopping and saw JJ lim at heeren...quite happy...then explore some places in orchard...watch the movie "she's the man"...quite enjoyable. soccer...italy and brazil jiayou~

the night is always attractive yet dangerous...

accidentally...or should say only me is the last to know that we've inside orchard tower...a scary place...shiver...

skip those. here comes the main part. we met car accident...the shockest moment in my life.

2 taxi and 1 car bang together and we were inside one of the taxi...i scream.things comes so sudden that we don't even know what had happened...just knew that all the taxis and cars are disfigure and i MUST THANK GOD THAT WE ONLY HAD MINOR INJURIES...omg i can't imaging that we'll be the victims of the car accident...that's scary! policemen all those came right after that... coz heard that there were some fighting nearby so they already there...i only feel giddy at the moment and meh appears to be calm.but winnie said her head is pain...so she follow the ambulance and we take cab(no choice...impossible to walk there) to find her at general hospital...coz the ambulance not enuff space to let us in. she had her check up there and need to stay there for some hours...so when things seems to be settle down...me and meh went home first...all of us are too tired...when reached home...it's about 7am, saturday... what a long and sleepless night.horrible...

now i feel some pain...not sure but hope it's minor case...i can't believe that all this happen one by one...realise i didn't have a good health these days...fall down badly...flu and now car accident...what happen man...and i can't let mum know anything about it...omg GOD BLESS ME PLEASE! life is really unpredictable...health is really IMPORTANT!

don't know if i've cool down or not...but maybe will have a little phobia of taking cab and i should think about it...i think should not go home too late? i am abit frighten already...grandma said i always frightens her also...made her worry about my safty...i should think about it...

things are too sudden and i think i still need time to cool down...omg now i still feel blur blur...like still in a dream...coz everythings just too sudden...

and got my nafa student card...the card very thick...and the course starts on 30th june...need to manage my time for study work and this course...i feel so messy at the moment.hmm.

watch garfield next week...still haven't got a watch...hope can find a nice white or blue watch.white is always nice and comfortable for me.except white hair. arh i can't believe that the accident happened in the morning and i go to work at night...i want stay at home and rest...today's working like a shit for me...totally in an insecure state coz i am shivering still...and giddy...shit..tmr no replacement too...arh...

packed

2006-06-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

today the agency called me again and gave me a student. live in toapayoh...a place that i feel comfortable...and is p6 maths...so i take it. though...pay is abit lower. so total teach two student for maths...i am gonna tell myself " i like maths" to motivate myself. must like the subject you teach then able to teach others well right? haha...okay but maths is one of my fav anyway... give both of them 2 lessons per week...need manage time well... tmr will be the first day for the p6 one...hope will be smooth...

really hope to see my student improve...i feel the responsibility...maybe that's why i feel stress somehow...the stress maybe is given by myself...still not confident enough but i am trying my best... try to find back the old maths books but i realise maybe i've thrown them...hmmm...

now caught in flu as well...weird weather...now shld be hot isn't it?why so cold instead hmmm...

next week packed...tuesday to sunday all planned...awww...and Garfield2 will be out next week...but i think can only watch it week after next... also guess put real less schedule for ramenten bahx.. oh ya i think i saw kero,the ahem colinandkero blog that one...he came ramenten eat...he is our customer too lolx...they all said he looks really gay...but if the one we saw is really kero...i will doubt if he is really gay...work at rt will see different type of pple and customer...so...stay? lolx...

also projects are:
finance
biz com
biz environment
ecpj

and pray that i can go to business side...for the elective.

------------------------------------------------------
last friday saw king...pouring out some fan naos...and motivate each others to move on...no choice...that's life...but wonder how come everytime can't buy things at bugis...orchard is better for me...

thurs met mehx...after some time...shop around at orchard...then go her fren house...a very big house...and there are 3 things really impress me...the 2 dogs,named ringo and shirley haha...big dogs, cute and nice to play with also =) then...his scv...got ALL the channels~i mean ALL sia...wow...lastly...there is a drumset in his toilet...ahha...too bad nx day financail tut at 8am...otherwise...i may follow them go MOS le...

friday not a bad day as well...quite happy for the finance test mark...then at night...yea saw that kero i think so? but i wanna see colin instead...hehe...then after closing...yea...after some time since we last kbox le? go cine kbox...frm 12 till the nx morning 6am sth? first time sia...but all tired i guess...sing sleep sing sleep like that...but happy to go kbox again with them...ramen ten peeps...

then sleep for few hours...went for tution today...back...and sleep for awhile...but still lacking of sleep... last min study make me lack of sleep...play too hard also make me lack of sleep...lolx but i have no complains...

few years didn't wear watch already...now plan to get one...like swatch...colourful and funky...aiming for white or blue color one...save up?

still never tell any of them about the tuition thing...just now wanna tell grandma but i still choose to keep it to myself...hmmm...but when she ask where am i going tmr...i don't know how to answer...

no title

2006-06-01T00:02:00.000+08:00

today is a rushing day for me.rush to bank...then rush to school pay school fee cos today due liaox...then i missed my busstop AGAIN...then rush to ramen ten...then rush eating and put up all the working stuff...maybe tooooo rush liaox...till i vomit in the end lolx...plus that thing first day ahem...in the end i 8 plus punch out..suppose to end at 9pm...and this month i target to work for 40hrs...but now i think i short by 10 mins like that? well....speechless...

then i really realise how important health is. without a good health...hard to do things well...don't have that energy...hmm....feel abit weak...all the injuries havent fully recover...which also means energy level still low...a swollen face makes me so down already...let alone an obvious scar...arh...this still keep hurting me...because i still wonder if mum is fully recover mentally...i scare that from outside she acts ok...but behind...and even though like that...she still must go to work...and yet she still keep asking me to work lesser or if feel not happy...can just don't work...she rather me learn more stuff than work...she rather give me more money if i not enough to spend...and i think she scare i can't take the pressure from giving tution...she quite insist to stop me from doing that...yet i still try it...but...i really wish to have a try...and i got the interest to teach maths and chinese...sorry mum... but then again... MUM IS REALLY GREAT...THEY CAN DO ANYTHING FOR THEIR CHILD...they rather work harder to let their child enjoy more...really wish that in the future...i am able to let her have an enjoyable life.work for it!

hmmm maybe i've change without knowing it...and maybe is not a good one...but is okay...gonna be fine...make it simpler.believe in it.

hmm about ramen ten...think the business is getting better and better...expand liaox...heard got a big outlet at causeway pt and a small one which named shin tokyo at parkway...also they hire lots new staffs...also base on what i feel today...now even amk become more strict liaox...today i anyhow wear the red polo also kana say liaox...alert...no more the old ramen ten liaox...now stronger power le...but weird feeling again...sumhow...still struggling...coz i realise that i like to interact with the customers...hmmm dat's one thing keeps me still working there...i like that...also plus got gan qing there...but some reasons make me really wanna stop working there...also...some friendly faces gone liaox...don't know...i think keep quiet during work is a beta way...later u joke or talk too much kana warn again...also if u give little schedule...they will ask you if u are so busy or say u got time to play no time work? well...that's my freedom right?

and...full timer...yea i know means more responsibility...but remember...don't lose yourself.

nervous...saturday my first time giving tuition...then nx week...3 tests.

painful sia

2006-05-27T13:07:00.000+08:00

abt yesterday.
fri no school so planned to go ecp cycling+blading then eat the cake at awfullychocolate.
cycled for 2 hours.and it's quite cheap.$4 for 2 hours. cut it short. while steven and elaine reached ecp...we went to katong mall ate the cake i've kept thinking of..the awfullychocolate cake.cos stella always bring this cake while she's on the taiwan shows.it looks nice. and when i realise sg also have this shop...so eager to eat it...but...not as that super nice as expected bah...

when back to ecp again.decide to take blade.and it's ex lor $6 like for 1hr sth like that only...even worse...i only like blade for half...coz when bladed downslope i fall badly...i kiss the road lor...nearly cried.very pain...thought bend forward will be more steady~~! now still quite painful...bruises all over body...worst thing is my left side the face now is like a pig face...super swollen...arh...so this weekend bobian stay at home rest... as i said...face is a sensitive issue now...coz my mum's face and datz why...the first thing i said when reached home is "don't tell mum". on the way some bad things happen too like sth wrong with the bike and forget to get back elaine's ezlink...

a long and tiring day...nt that bad...will be better if those incidents didn't happen. for me. conclusion is...will not blade again soon till there is a pro with me. hmmm last time used to have one...kept changing my mind for the tuition things...some is lack of confidence and some is don't want to cheat.hmmm.. indecisive person.

now...energy power is still low...zhou wei dou shi shan...guess is the most serious accident for me so far.hmmm not a good feeling.eyes pain also.time to rest again.hmm

2006-05-23T19:24:00.000+08:00

life got to move on...one can't be pessimistic all the time... so ya... believe gonna be fine.

what can really cheers ur granny up? is to spend more time with them...well today reached home kinda early...5pm sth...it's like...don't know after how long didn't reached home so early already...can see that she felt quite happy...can see...then have dinner together at a normal dinner time...like after so long...realise actually sometimes it's not hard to make someone happy...just that u got to spend more time with them...and care for them. mum i will be strong.so do u. never give up ya.

today nearly can have my first student...a p1 korean kid!!! arh...at first so happy to hear dat lor...korean wor...but too bad...she said they want the tutor at least 25 years old.then got one...at boon keng...i think that's abit too far for me so reject...but anyway...hope they will call me back soon~

hollow

2006-05-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

so i m wrong...grandma still angry with me...and i never give in...i never apologize...what a cold-blooded idiot i am...slap me. i feel so insecure when i know mum is injured but i don't know how serious the injury is...this feeling keep making me feel scared...anytime...anywhere...when think about it...my heart feel so cold. i thought i can't joke ard but i did today...but i m just a piece of hollow shit now...hollow soul or watever.

i really envy you..."you" who have ur family to be with u happily.

a piece of messy shit. how to pick myself up?

bless her

2006-05-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

tell me what to do...what to do...what to do...but what can i do? haven't tell granny yet...i don't want to see her reaction...don't want her to be panic...what can i do except praying now? what can i do...

i know i am talking rubbish but why let this happen to my mum...why why...i beg u give her good health can? her health is already bad enuff now why this kind of incident happen again?how pain...!!! blood omg...if is not very serious she won't cry when told me this...that's why i feel extra super worried coz i m not there...i can't even know how is her injury now and it's head! it's the important part of your body...i hope there are no scars on her head...i know she worried too...there is no one there to take care of her and what can i do now? i can do nth...GOD...please help me this time...i promise i will pray everyday...just please help me look after mummy k plase? bless her get well soon and no scar...a face is impt for a lady...please i beg u i beg u i beg u...

i can't anyhow waste money already...i need to lesser her burden...arh...please guide me what to do my mind is completely blank and i don't know how to face everyone now...wonder if can be happy again till she fully recovery...please bless her she is all alone...help me help me i really don't noe what to do i promise i will pray with all my heart please bless her...i don't know what to do...help me!! mum how i wish i can fly to u there now...i m so worried...gif her the power to be strong please i beg u...what can i do...why why why.

i am scared...truely...

stay cool

2006-05-15T23:04:00.000+08:00

this sem...or maybe recently...really taste the feeling of "hard to breathe"...haix...feel really breathless..don't know is bcoz of school work...or project...or working...or other activities...now...trying to make some new movements...

firstly...aunt just help me ask the "zui fu lou"...the chinese restautant...hmm...said they will call me...heard is $6 per hr...also quite near house...once they contact me...i m gonna go there and try...if it suits me...then...erm...

nx step...call the tuition agency...

then...fri if nth's on...will go nafa apply for the part time course there which is called "basic western art"...hope things will go smooth please...yea...art...colors~

next week finance test and duno which IT module quiz i think...jiayou jiayou...and ecpj...jiayou too!

erm...think me and grandma bad for good le bah...still never say sorry to her in real life...but bought the milo and milk powder that she wants...hope she knows what i think...

for work...not sure where the stress comes from...but one of the reason maybe is bcoz...i still can't sure of that feeling and it makes me feel like don't know how...i don't want to continue like this...haix.end.

[devil beside you] sweet show!

nice song: for you i will by teddy geiger.

sianz

2006-05-11T23:12:00.000+08:00

have dinner with grandma and the family.early celebration for mother's day at a chinese restaurant at thomson. Finally.forget when was the last time we eating together outside.sighs.but so...haix...mother's day? i can't even able to celebrate with my mum...so instead...i tink i will treat my grandma.fine... but it's quite an nice meal.and i ask my aunt to help me ask if there's job vacancy and the ans seems positive.but they are busy so find out more info other day.also havent call those agency number...shld kick myself to call them soon. well...just tired of rt already maybe...trying to find new jobs...

havent get out of my messy world...everythings seems so messy still...and i want to blame myself for not brave enough...didn't go for the things i interested just bcoz frens not accompany...so unlike last time...well maybe i already lost that braveness and courage...how sad...this make me feel lost too...we live for ourselves not for others...so why let others affect u?haix...no no way...i shall not care much...must find my own aim asap...but maybe my true freedom can only come when complete the poly life...well...

sorry mum...send u the cards late...and still dare to ask u buy me a laptop...and thx that u agree...now is my problem...lazy to take the action...

since that stupid feeling comes and goes...i shall not bother...

feel very empty...many things missing in my heart...but who cares...just heck.

eye sight's getting worse...shld i get contact lense?

pain arhhh!!!

2006-05-07T01:23:00.000+08:00

shit...my tooth super super pain now ...cause me headache also...cant eat also...must be eating too many chocs recently? arh...hope i dun have to go see dental...it's the most scary place! arhh....

about friday:
super blur during finance tutorial...the teacher make me feel kinda stress also...start to worried liao...buck up buck up...been too slacking already...late for lec...some even skip...then never revise...like wasting time in school? time to stop this already...arh...and shld try to sleep earlier!!

then went cine sing the 2 to 7 pm kbox.expected...yvonne join us hafl way =p realised we sing quite a few female songs...so conclusion male songs nicer? ahha...

food republic full house...then i suggest go ramen ten AGAIN... must be sth wrong with me...have staff meal at ramen ten during work...then...even go out also go eat at ramen ten...siaox me. but this time is coz far east one got new menu...wanna try.

there also full hse...must wait some time to be seated...yea py ard 8 came? haha...coz sum1's working? lolx...juz kidding aniway...they all say the food is better than amk one...i nv order any main course...like nth want to try except the sushi...but it's really not bad...

shir von and sw left first...then the rest of us go wait for elaine off...outside mrt...at first they wanna go home i guess? but don't feel like wanna home yet...then suggest have supper...lol in the end all the 6 of us on...then go long john chit chat...feel abit sad when saw some ah ma need to work at late night...haix they should be sleeping at home instead of working at this timing...why...

cut it short...in the end we share cab home.tired an good day. it was like stay up from 6am sth till the nx day 3am sth? opps but after that kanna nag by grandma...

movie

2006-05-07T00:23:00.000+08:00

初恋嗱喳面
(Merry-Go-Round)

一个暑假，谷佬带着儿子谷锋,女儿小谷咕开了一间嗱喳面店，希望在为期两个月的短期租约内，创出中年男人第一次也可能是唯一一次的成就出来。面店开张，谷锋带来了一个平凡得不可再平凡的善良女孩子Carlily来帮手，Carlily还带来了率直粗鲁姐姐Heman。

虽然大家的工作错漏百出，却无损一班年轻人朝夕相处的乐趣。小谷咕亦同时发现一个天天着校服，每晚都在打佯时份带同一个禾味婆来共吃一碗嗱喳面的神秘小男孩禾味龙。禾味龙原来是个孤儿，由禾味婆一手带大。禾味婆靠执纸皮为生，却最疼孙儿，所以每天看见禾味龙穿着校服出门，最是老怀安慰。

穿着校服的禾味龙一天出现嗱喳面店，原来他自动请缨，希望可以在面店觅得一份散工。从此，小谷咕有了一个经常与她玩IQ题目的好哥哥。禾味龙还不时送小谷咕礼物，虽然那些礼物都是禾味龙味禾味婆执纸皮时拾回来的。谷锋与Carlily开始拍拖，因为他们会一齐影贴纸相，他们会共饮一支汽水，他们会在过马路的时候，稍稍拖一下手仔……，还有谷锋对Carlily说：你的眼神，世上只有我一个捉到。　

禾味龙将所有IQ题目和心事都写在一本小簿上，只可惜一天忽然不见了，禾味龙决定重写一本一模一样的。然而有一天，他忽然看见小谷咕手上拿着他那本遗失的小簿，还向他展示里面有趣的内容。禾味龙剎那间虽然感到脸红耳热，但更令他兴奋的是，他们从此各自都拥有一本一模一样的小簿。

Carlily的家姐Heman，总是与谷锋针锋相对，狗咬狗骨。两人却意外地在一次（街头王比赛）的赛事中成为了优胜者，更获得一份免费游日本三天两夜的奖品。在家姐Heman的调虎离山策划之下，终于让Carlily可以与谷锋共赴日本，而Heman则搬到谷锋家住上几天，以掩饰陈家父母以为是两姐妹一齐去了日本。谷锋在日本，晚上打了个电话回家，接听的竟是Heman。一个电话，触发了一段有始无终的对话。他们从日本的电视节目谈起，说到世上有鬼，说到恋爱有否年龄阻滞…………，直到最后Heman说了一句话："我现在睡在你的床上啊." 谷锋才猛然惊醒，想到一个陌生女孩子睡在自己的床上。在往后的漫漫长夜，谷锋因为这句说话，一直都没有再合上眼睛。　

翌日的旅游计划是往上野玩木马，谷锋与Carlily在JR地车上却来来回回经过了四次池袋，四次涉谷，四次神田，四次上野。因为，谷锋在车上睡着了。谷锋发梦也想不到，初恋的代价竟是将第一个女朋友变成第一个伤害的人。谷锋因此而沉默了，Heman因此而对小谷咕，禾味龙说了一句话：原来有些东西，只要喜欢一下，已经是错。小谷咕，禾味龙百思不得其解，只知道事态严重。终于，Carlily哭了，向谷锋提出分手，谷锋的世界从此变成只有黑夜。

在某个黑夜的黑夜，谷锋走到Carlily的楼下向她表示，他会在她的楼下跑四个圈，因为他可以做的，就是这么一点点。谷锋终于跑了四个圈，比池袋去上野的四个圈还要漫长痛苦。Carlily在决定跑到楼下的时候，谷锋已经消失了。可能，世上所有事情，本来就是如此。　

禾味龙的禾味婆决定要将禾味龙送去保良局，因为她要回乡安渡晚年。小谷咕关心禾味龙会否寂寞，禾味龙告诉她，每晚寂寞的时候，他都会想他们玩过的IQ题目，同埋，会想她一次…………暑假将结，嗱喳面店亦将结束，两个月的经营，没有为谷佬成就出人生一大创举，但却成就了两段嗱喳的初恋。原来初恋是：爱念萌生关系夭折暗恋成功示爱失败吵架分手突然痊愈然后揽住第二个又爱又憎......

-->that day accidentally saw this show on tv again...rainie is so sweet in the movie...zhou jun wei also...sweet...this time watched it...feel so touching...plus the background music which is kelly chan's "我们都是这样初恋的"...super nice...maybe becoz it brings me back some of the memories...因为果张千嬅噶YES!CARD...将我地拉埋一齐...初恋...短暂...sweet...simple...pure...and innocent. 保留心中...

recently got quite a number of nice song...chen-i's deng dai...cao ge's shu dao wu da ying wo...etc etc...make my day...

emo night

2006-04-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

thurs lesson starts at 8am,never slp well the night b4 also...ya it's hard to wait all the way to 6.30pm for the kicking yea...so don't want keep forcing u also le...hope nx week can make it? well...but...nx week got e-com presentation plus proposal...haix...see how bah...and guys...if nth suddenly pops up...hopefully nx friday we can go kbox as planned...mayb the 2 to 7 pm one...

today another tired day...lesson at 8am also...it really kills me to wake up sooooo early...but what to do...

after school at first want go home rest b4 working one...but in the end change plan then pull sw and shirley go grassroot...had my 2nd time choc fondue there...this time the serving is smaller...erm...quite ok bah...

then working...at first still can be alert and energetic...but i guess ard 8 plus...my eyes really shut me down...plus the seafood fried rice mix with the fondue...don't really feel well...feel so dizzy...when they ask me if i m ok...ya again guess is coz they see my face like tired like that...i just smile lor...or ans YA i m ok...because i don't want to say i am not ok to burden them...and i am trying to get back to normal...so can don't keep asking me...i don't know how to express to others that i am not ok anyway...i am trying to be ok okay...and i will be okay...point out my mistake and ask me wake up if u think i am getting worse ok...but i can say i never slack today lor...so why...misunderstanding is so irritating! guess try to avoid work on fri...i tink i really can't stand it when wake up very early...go school...then work...affects myself...affects other...i don't want.

it's quite sadden really.so near yet so far.the distance like getting further? i feel happy to see u all after some time...but surprisingly...i rather keep quiet when i see u all...maybe is becoz at the working environment...or...complicated feeling...maybe think too much lor...but it's not the same le for sure...wonder when will have kbox like last time...wonder when will la kopi like last time...wonder when will see u all lame together like last time...wonder when will have nice chats like last time...wonder...

okay...but nth i can do...now working...ya maybe just like what winston said...i m like a zombie walking here and there...ahha...coz i feel aimless...maybe...hide in a shell...maybe is a better way

enought of saying...still...will try to keep my smile =)

food

2006-04-26T00:52:00.000+08:00

tried this chocolate Fondue.expected whole piece of strawberry instead of slice ones...haha...What's next?Yummy~~

i think to travel around the world and to taste all different types of food are the most happiest dreams in our lives...

but now...not leisure time already...haix.
Mother's Day is coming...time to make a card soon.Grandma will be back soon,will treat her soon as well...

i will not agree with these words..."as long as to see the one u like is happy with the one he/she like...u will feel happy too." really? how to feel happy if u can't be with the one u like...